Another Sunday, another question for the ASS Gurus:
This week’s question comes from
Cowardly in Cincinatti :
Dear Alternate SS Guru,
What are the chances that someone you’ve never met in real life and are rooming with only starting sewing so that they could attack unsuspecting sewing summit guests in their hotel rooms?
Cowardly in Cincinatti
Being the one that lives in the former murder capital of Europe (I believe we’re down to about 3rd now… ;o) ) I took this one.
We Glaswegians have a great way to greet people we’re not terribly fond of, so I suggest that if, upon first meeting her, you suspect your room-mate of being out to get you, or worse, out to get your stash, then you employ the Glasgow Handshake. Offer your room-mate your hand, grasp firmly as if to shake it, and headbutt her. Aim your forehead for her nose, the ensuing blood should distract her long enough for you to clear out, or to steal her room key and shove her out the door. Ensure you do this far enough away from your stash to avoid blood splatters, stain removal is no joke.
I would also suggest the following precautions – keep a rotary cutter handily under your pillow, ready to spring, ninja like, at your room-mate should you wake up in the night to find her helping herself to that FQ of Mendocino that you fought 5 women for in the swap earlier (only one of whom is still in hospital). Keep another one, in a plastic bag, in the cistern in the loo, who knows what she might be helping herself to while you’re having a shower, for instance that bundle of Munki Munki that you found in that dark, dusty corner of the third shop on the shop hop… Obviously I would suggest a model with a retractable blade for the one that goes under your pillow.
Remember, if all else fails, that infinity scarf you made especially for the trip can work very well to either bind or gag her.
Good luck on your venture
Alternate SS Guru
Handy tips for everyday life not just for you lucky Sewing Summit attendees.
Commented on Danny's blog that Laura must really be looking forward to sharing with you now!!
LOL! Thanks for my morning chuckle–!
Sounds like dangerous work this quilting bit.
Great advice, but should you be giving away all your secrets in advance? There's time for your roomie to think up counter measures.
LOL! Great advice for many situations! Will be keeping an infinity scarf and a retractable rotary knife on me on my late night store runs ;D
It is probably safe to say you'll never get a job working for the Glasgow Tourist Board, handing out that kind of advice!
Who knew a rotary cutter could be so handy?
Wow, ninja Katy – who knew.
Er ….wasn't scared before…but am now! Mind you I survived a year in Glasgow without any problems – here's hoping…!
I'll never leave home without my rotary cutter or infinity scarf again!
Whoa. You just may be rooming alone. Who said that quilters are kind and gentle people? According to you…it can be dangerous.
I usually sign of with "hugs" but I think I'll pass this time.
laughing so hard i cried a little… so awesome. thank you, ASS Katy. what would i do without you?
You have all sorts of talents, don't you. Now you can be a body guard!
Goodness, I feel like you must have real experience — those headbutting instructions are so detailed! 😀
Rotary cutters are srs bsns. ;>
You`re starting to slightly freak me out – thank God you`re staying at the Bates Motel and not the Grange Strathmore!
I think I might be avoiding you in June!!
Bwahahahah! I love it 🙂
Pure Dead Brilliant doll.
Ahhh you weegies are utterly charming 🙂 (you forgot how "handy" a decent seam ripper could be..)
Ha! You crack me up! This is hilarious!