It’s that time of the week again, where the ASS Gurus attempt to solve any little problem Sewing Summit attendees may be experiencing.

Dear ASS Gurus, 

I am not coming to your summit. Should I wear something special to not come? And should I provide some special foodie treats, to not bring? What do you suggest?  

Left Out in Lexington

Today Danny, has the privilege of laying some knowledge on the poor Left Out in Lexington.

Dear Left Out,

Sewing Summit is THE premier sewing convention. The world had not seen greatness until Sewing Summit emerged from the 241 Totes of the American Southwest. That being said, it is entirely acceptable (and should become mandatory) to throw your own Sewing Summit soiree. It should be as glamorous as an Oscar party (shall we call it a Kermit party?) replete with snacks made from pinned recipes.

Being that I am a guru of this sort of thing, I have a few suggestions to make your party hip and successful:

Décor: A party isn’t a party unless you spend copious amounts of time and energy on decorating. You want guests to feel like they are attending the real Sewing Summit, after-party style. So those little figurines your grandmother gave you must go. Replace them with small Pyrex bowls of antique wooden spools and buttons. Your beautiful and bright modern quilts should lay over the furniture, giving your guests a chance to ogle your craftsmanship and giving you a chance to show off your king sized, hand-stitched, English Paper Pieced Mendocino quilt. Let’s face it: the Oscars may have pretty dresses, but the Kermits have exquisitely designed and crafted quilts. Who needs Gucci when you have Heather Ross? Am I right?! Anything that stands still should be covered in Devine Twine and washi tape, and for goodness sake: don’t forget to fly the SS flag (which, as luck would have it, makes great bunting). 

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Food: If the food at a party sucks, the party-goers will leave, so make sure it doesn’t suck. Pinterest has an endless supply of recipes for outrageously sweet treats. As excruciating as it may seem to you to carefully and precisely paint stitches onto your quilt block sugar cookies, or pipe icing onto your pin cushion cupcakes, remember that people like to eat pretty things. I suggest offering licorice ropes that your guests can use to knit a pair of socks with (or other things…) before chowing down and perhaps some round Ritz crackers guest can adhere to their clothing as buttons, should they so decide.


Other things…
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I would also keep a nice supply of energy drinks hidden in the back bedroom to give to guests who become surly and unruly as they come off their sugar highs. There is nothing worse than running out of cookies in a room full of sugar-drunk sewists. Nothing. Your best bet is to toss them in a room with a 5-Hour Energy drink and hope they come out well enough to send home immediately. You don’t want them sleeping on your couch and throwing up sprinkles onto your Mendocino. Give them their keys and send them packing!  

Attire: You must require guests make their outfits. They aren’t attending the real SS, after all. They have time to make a tunic. Be warned, however. If you don’t want to show up to your own party wearing the same thing EVERYONE else will surely be wearing, steer clear of the Tova pattern. Might I recommend something a little more vintage? See Guru Katy’s post here for options.

Because SS will not have a live camera feed, you will be forced to follow our movements via Twitter, Facebook, email and blogs. Hook your laptop up to your TV so you can all cheer in unison when Guru Laura tweets about her run-in with Kate Spain (who just happened to stop in, of course) and when I, Guru Danny, Instagram a picture of my hot new maxi skirt I just made in class. You will be kept up-to-date on all the happenings, including when we hide Guru Katy’s rotary cutter (which is inevitable considering Laura is always touching other people’s fabric stash and Katy likes to cut people who go near her precious Good Folks).

The only thing you could possibly do to make your Kermit par-tay even better is host it in Salt Lake City the same weekend as SS. Who knows, maybe the gurus will stop in with their entourage and make your party the talk of the year!

Best of luck with your party planning! 
ASS Guru 
Now don’t forget, if you have a ridiculous question you would like a ridiculous answer to, please submit it in the comments below so a Guru can address it for you.