Today, we invite Laura Jane of Needles, Pins and Baking Tins to make an ASS-guru of herself. Laura and Quokka Quilts Laura share a first AND a middle name, so Quokka Laura’s going to have to make sure everyone at Sewing Summit know she’s the real Laura Jane and t’other one’s a pale imitation.

Anyway, we asked Laura a question posed by a reader:

How do I strike the balance between tweeting and talking, social-media-izing and sewing at Sewing Summit?

Here’s what she said:

As someone who regularly walks into doors and has narrowly avoided collision with cars all for the purpose of not missing a beat on twitter, the ASS Guru’s thought I best to answer this question.

I can only offer advice based on how I have been preparing for the big event. 

1. Being born in the 80’s is a must. Your mind is still quick enough to handle 2 pieces of information at once. You probably grew up playing Street Fighter on the Gameboy classic and as such your thumbs are used to working at double speed. If you happen to be of an older persuasion, never fear. You’ve seen those miniature dumbbells marketed for men to strengthen a particular, ahem, appendage? Get yourself a couple of those. 500 reps on each finger and thumb every night ought to do it. Make sure you play “eye of the tiger” and wear a lovely grey marl tracksuit whilst doing it. 

2. Get your craft on! I am envisioning a functional, yet stylish, device to aid us in our talking and tweeting endeavours. Something like a cross between this:

And this:

Mounting your iPhone in front of one eye will allow you to simultaneously read your twitter feed and keep the other eye on the person you are talking to. If it catches on, as I think it will, you will need to find a talking partner whose phone is mounted on the opposite side of their face (so your free eye is looking at their free eye). This should rule out at least half of the attendee’s and as such, make your job a whole lot easier. 

If the above doesn’t work for you, your only other option is to find a scientific research facility specialising in genetics and cloning. 4 months should be just enough time to spawn a carbon copy of yourself and teach it how to tweet. There are no sewing summit tickets left however, so I would suggest you also craft yourself a large tote (like the Weekender Bag for example) and smuggle them in with you. Anyone carrying a Weekender Bag at the sewing summit is likely to have done the same thing, so now you know why they are carrying a bag that large. 

See you there! (With one eye, from behind my stylish head gear). 

Laura Jane 

Well, there’s nothing for it but for those of us over the age of 32 to go and organise our fold-up zimmerframes for the trip and give up on this new technology thing altogether. 

I hope Laura realises that there will be SS participants born in the 90s who will undoubtedly run rings around her and scoff at her age. 

Now I’m off to sharpen my quill and refill my portable inkwell. Remember, if you have a question for the ASS gurus, you know what to do.