It’s that crazy time of the week again where the ASS Gurus swing into action.  This week Peckish in Puyallup sent us a plea.

Dear ASS Gurus,

I’ve just been reading through my registration material more closely and I’ve just noticed that there are only 2 lunches and 1 dinner provided, what am I going to do for the rest of the time?!


Peckish in Puyallup

As a budding gourmet, or at least one that regularly eschews McDonalds, I volunteered for this one.

Dear Peckish,

Don’t panic!  There are a number of things that you can do to conquer the hunger pangs:

Firstly if you’re flying in, deplete the plane’s entire peanut/pretzel stock, then:

1. Remember those Weekender Bags that anyone who was anyone had last year?  Well there was a reason for the enormous handbag people, it was to stow away their food stash during the event!  You will need to beg, borrow, steal or make one of these suckers to take along to the opening event – welcome reception spells canapes, and a handily placed Pink Penguin style lunchbag or two inside your Weekender Bag will allow you to stash away a ton of canapes for midnight snacks or maybe breakfast the next morning.

Courtesy of Pink Penguin

2. The hotel rooms have fridges, so you’ll want to be evicting all the mini bar crap to allow you to utilise all the space.  First, you need to put those canapes away (what, did you think I meant you to keep them in the bag overnight?  Ewwwww).  Next, you’ll need to plan out your other meals, so you’re looking for some kind of all you can eat buffet place to take that Weekender Bag and your PP lunchbags.  This will do you for dinners throughout the event if you plan wisely.  May I suggest Charlie Chow’s – Chinese makes seriously good leftovers!

Courtesy of Charlie Chow’s

3. Now with breakfast you can either spend a fortune, or go budget.  If you would rather use all your spending money on the latest AMH goodness in all 3 colourways in cotton, voile and velveteen, then you will be needing the budget option, in which case, you’re going to need to walk a couple of blocks up and 3 blocks over to the 7-Eleven.  There you can stock up on as many Twinkies, cupcakes and Ding Dongs that you think you may need to see you through the upcoming days.  If you’re dining on a severe budget too, throw in some cheese strings, Doritos and salsa, and maybe a burrito or two.

If you have more cash to splash, then on Saturday there’s a breakfast buffet at the hotel, which looks like it makes enough food to see you through the week, so get out that Weekender bag and lunchbags again, and set yourself up or a feast.

If you’re driving in, however, you have a whole host of other options.

1. Grab a cool box before you leave home, then when you get to SLC, you’re going to need to embrace the crazy and hit up the Walmart Superstore a few blocks from the hotel.  Think picnic foods here people, and you can stock up on enough deli platters to have everyone flocking to your midnight poker games every evening.

Courtesy of Hungry Moose

2. Get baking before you leave – not just brownies (although you’ll be wanting to create some ‘special’ ones for that improv class you’ve signed up for), but cookies (remember that a balanced diet is a cookie in each hand) and cupcakes.  Of course the more elaborate the cupcakes you create, the more friends you’ll have so pack plenty!

Courtesy of My Chocolate

3. Get the family pizza the night before you leave – this is a double win, no cooking for you when you’re crazily trying to stuff that last bag of fat quarters for the swap into the last square millimetre of space in the back of your car, and if you order double portions, you’ll have cold pizza to take away for breakfasts while you’re away, and everyone knows how well that sets you up for the day.

Courtesy of Avanti Pizza

4. If you’re driving you can also make a fortune running a taxi service for all the jet setters that flew in – if they can afford a ticket, hotel room *and* flight, they can afford to pay for you to cart them around to all the food places you can think of.

I hope this has given you enough ideas to keep from fading away, but remember, if all else fails, pack your purse full of chocolate…


Ass Gurus

Remember, if you have a ridiculous question which you would like a ridiculous answer too, don’t hesitate to let us know…