First of all, Laura needs to apologise profusely for spreading evil, untrue rumours that Sara at SewSweetness was presenting her Advanced Bag Making class as a stand-up comedy routine. It was bad of her and she apologises to all who believed her. She’s actually doing it as a musical, complete with singing and dancing. Go along. It will be a class to remember.

 Secondly, you may have noticed there was no ASS guru post last week. Or you may not. Comments have been dwindling and as two ASS gurus had had a shitty week and weren’t feeling funny, we decided we were only amusing ourselves. This week, the sewdorphins have kicked in and we have decided we don’t CARE if we are only amusing ourselves. That’s the whole point of the exercise. You can go sew for all we care. We had a giggle coming up with this. So there. [ASS gurus stick tongue out at screen and Katy raises finger]

Now we’ve cleared that up, on to other matters. The excitement of the week has been that the long-awaited Sewing Summit class schedule came out.  As you would expect, the three of us found some classes that were “OOOOH!” and some that were “meh”. Never the same ones though. Of course there were some lines on the timetable that were all ‘meh’ and some that were all ‘OOOH!’ (which lead to a lot of ‘Oooh – dammit!’s and difficult choices). Obviously, being egomaniacs, we thought we could do better.

So here are our suggestions for NEXT year’s Alternate Sewing Summit.

Classes 2013

$ indicates that a small class fee will be charged. BYOF = Bring your own fabric. ! = no liability for injury assumed.

Get Celtic Knotted! – Katy of LittlestThistleCraftShop
Who wants to learn the intricacies of celtic knot applique with Katy when you can tell someone to get knotted in Celtic?! Katy will take you through the intricacies of swearing in Scottish AND Irish. This class will also include a little Celtic applique to enable students to practise their Celtic and Gaelic curse words in an authentic context. Class will be videoed for presentation at Gala dinner.

FUI – Laura of QuokkaQuilts
FUI stands for Free-motioning under the influence. Laura will take you through the basics of free-motion quilting and the benefits of alcohol on your technique. Participants will be videoed free-motioning in three stages: 1) sober; 2) after one glass of wine/beer; 3) after 6 tequila shooters. See how much you improve and pinpoint your personal peak. Along with their personal video, participants will receive a hand-made plastic Yack-Sack. – $! (Not for Mormons)
Design your own sewing tattoo – Katy of Imagingermonkey
Practice designing tattoo art and learn how to tattoo yourself at home using only a blunt machine needle and some Dylon. (It is recommended that participants also enrol in Sewing first aid subsequent to this course). – $!
Sewing First aid – Danny of Mommy for Reals
Ever sliced yourself with a rotary cutter, stabbed yourself with a needle, or burnt yourself ironing bias?   You’ll have a chance to do all three in this class!  Danny will show you all sorts of tricks, especially how to keep the blood off your fabric. $! 

Burlesque costume making – Sara of SewSweetness.
Make your own burlesque costume with Sara. Learn tassle-making, bodice boning, and how to most strategically place your lace! Wear your creation to the Gala dinner and impress other seminar participants with your bump and grind skills.

1)    Design your own fabric – it’s Child’s play! –Danny of MommyforReals
Danny opens your eyes to the world of designing your own fabric with an under 5 on hand. Use an array of materials including Spaghetti-Ohs, Baked Beans, and Ribena, your very own Under 5 and a can of MommyForReals StainStabiliser™ (available at class for the low cost of $59.95) to create original and inspiring fabric designs. Bonus instructions on how to photograph your under 5 looking like a facist dictator.
Under 5s will not be provided. Participants are advised to BYO.
2)    Design your own fabric – for Adults only! – Laura of QuokkaQuilts
Enjoy an Italian feast as Laura shows you how to use MommyForReals StainStabiliser™, red wine, bolognaise sauce and squid ink to create enticing designs on fabric.
BYO natural or PFD white linen or homespun, tablecloth size. Plastic garbage bags to wear during food fight will be provided.